then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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