I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
