I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
