dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
