I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
