in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
