She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
