bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Found your dick twin last night
Found the puke drawer
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
