Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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