just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
