note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
