Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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