How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize