That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
