It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
