I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
