Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
You are a booty call, not a friend.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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