Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
