best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
