I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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