I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
