just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Randomize