I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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