Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
