Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
