Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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