i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
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