also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
