why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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