I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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