im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
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