my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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