he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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