I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
cat food counts as protein by the way
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
