are you so shy because you have an std?
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
