I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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