apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
