Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
