ya dads aren't the best wingmen
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
