You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
My balls are so social today.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
