Christians are straight up FREAKS
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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