I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Randomize
