this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
