Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize