How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Randomize
