Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
