if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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