When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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