I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
