I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Princesses don't give blow jobs
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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