my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
farters have to be the big spoon...
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
