theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
