dude i'm inner monologue high
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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