5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
do herpes really smell.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
