At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
