At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Randomize
