I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
