i jhust puked up my retainher.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
