Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
