Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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