She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
