im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Blood and glitter go together right?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
